Sunday, July 27, 2014

The trial of my Faith

Last transfer was the hardest transfer of my mission... This transfer it has gotten better, a LOT better... Here's what happened:

I LOVED Davis. I learned so much in Davis. I constantly was facing investigators and people on the street who were into anti-mormon literature who questioned and challenged my beliefs ALL THE TIME! I loved it because I would go home, write down all the questions people would throw at me, SEARCH the scriptures with prayer, and learn so much about the truthfulness of the Gospel. I Understood that not all of my questions would be able to be answered right away, but I was so full of faith that one day I would be able to understand. Well, then I got transferred. I no longer had investigators questioning me and a reason to go find the answers. I felt like I was stuck with a pile of questions that kept getting bigger and bigger the more into my studies I got.  A missionary went home because he went apostate 2 transfers ago. I knew this missionary... I served with him for 2 transfers. It started to make me reflect on others who I have known who have left the church and why that happened. It made me so sad. Then I heard word that some of our investigators dropped the missionaries in Davis due to all this negative stuff. I was so sad. I became determined once and for all to put a stop to anti-mormon stuff in my mind and find the answers to all of my questions right away. I didn't like that people I knew around me were falling away from the truth because of it. The more I focused on it, the more frustrated I became. Then one day I was reading in the Book of Mormon and came across something that I read that didn't make sense to me so I began to search the scriptures to find the answers and just got more and more frustrated by the minute because I was NOT finding anything. I became so exasperated and discouraged and the horrifying thought crossed my mind that maybe it's not true. That was the last straw! I broke down! For several days I was a spiritual a mess. I have never doubted anything about the church, especially not the Book of Mormon, and suddenly the thing that has brought me incredible joy and happiness was being questioned and I felt like my world was crumbling. While reading the Book of Mormon I told God how I was feeling. I felt like the father from the New Testament who brought his son to the Lord asking him to heal his son but not knowing how it was possible. I felt like I had belief but it was weak. Basically my prayers sounded like "Lord I believe, help thou mine unbelief"  I told Heavenly Father that my testimony was really being tried and I wanted to believe. I told him that I couldn't be telling people that the book of Mormon was true unless I actually knew it was true. I was so overwhelmed. I waited for an answer and the answer I got was just be patient. Keep on going, just be patient. So I kept on going.
We had been given the challenge to read the Book of Mormon as a mission in 90 days. I started in Davis, and from the feeling I got I just needed to keep pushing along and keep reading. My 90 day challenge was set to end on July 30th but this week we had zone conference and I really wanted to finish reading before zone conference. 4 days before zone conference I was at the beginning of 3 Nephi. I am a pretty slow reader so I determined that It wasn't going to happen. Then I found out that all the other sisters were about to finish for zone conference too. I can be kind of competitive so I decided I was going to push through, and finish it. Meanwhile I still had the question is the Book of Mormon really true weighing heavily on my mind. Finally the night before, at 10:30 I finished it! I didn't feel any different so I decided I needed to take on "Moroni's Challenge" in Moroni 10:3-5 and ask God if it was true. I knelt down and prayed looking to receive an answer. Well I did. The answer I got was you will get an answer tomorrow at zone conference. Very Funny Heavenly Father
The next morning I felt ready to take in every bit of inspired information that President and Sister Alba had to share. I listened very intently. In the schedule Sister Alba was assigned to speak first. Coincidentally she spoke all about the Book of Mormon. All the way through the things she taught us I felt very uplifted and very inspired. It all made sense to me and was all beautiful. Then at the very end, she shared with us a few things that I can't even remember. All I know is it hit me SO profoundly, so hard that I knew it was true with my whole soul. I knew the Book of Mormon was true! I knew that it was the word of God, and I knew that if I kept reading it and held to it that I wouldn't have to fear falling away like others that I love. My answer was yes, it is true.

I know that God answers prayers. I know that the Book of Mormon is God's word, and I know that this is his church. I know that by the power of the Holy Ghost we can know the truth of all things. This trial of my faith has only driven my roots deeper, there is no question in my mind what is true and again I am feeling confident in that knowledge.

Sister Carter

PS. Lots of funny things happened this week, so I'll have to tell you about them next week.

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